Kimbo Slice

Kimbo makes the big time, he defeated James Thompson in the third round by hitting him in the ear. Slice said that if the referee would not have stopped the fight he was going to hit Thompson in the ear again.Kimbo chin is solid, although he lacks. The great thing about Mr Slice is that he can beat the average MMA fighter and make some good money in the sport. Although when he gets to the elite group of champions his efforts will not push him to the top. He reminds me of Tex Cobb. A good fighter, but never a champion!

That Cauliflower ear looks horrible

Hillary what a sore Looser

I have listened to you Mrs Clinton and even had faith in you that you could lead our Country if you got the nod. Now its has been clear for weeks maybe even moths that you were not going to win and you continued to hang around. Just for your information Obama did reach 2158, he only needed 2,118 to clinch. Although I see your plan; the more support that you keep in your corner, the more force that you can put on Obama to pick you for VP. Maybe it is a good plan but it is apparent that you have been willing to play dirty and you did not care if your slip was showing! So Mr Obama really has a dilemma on his hand, pick a running mate that shares the same values, even though she has no loyality or RESPECT.

Its just sad that she wants him to pick her but is not willing to be a good sport and say he won and bow out gracefully. So Mrs Clinton in your own words "where do you go from here"? If I had anything to do with it I would tell you to exit stage left! BECAUSE HE HAS ALREADY WON...

Zen Sarcasms

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a women - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

ADULT LEARNING CENTER REGISTRATION

Summer Classes for Men at:

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETEDby Friday, June 29th 2008 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM


Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6 Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM , 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon , 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping CompanionRelaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Best Buy, yea right

FYI.....BEST BUY, MY FOOTBest Buy has some bad policies....Normally, I would not share this with others, however, since this couldhappen to you or your friends , I decided to share it. If you purchasesomething from, Wal-Mart, Sam's Club, JC Penny, Sears etc. and you returnthe item with the receipt they will give you your money back if you paidcash, or credit your account if paid by plastic.Well, I purchased a GPS for my car, a Tom Tom XL.S from "Best Buy".Theyhave a policy that it must be returned within 14 days for a refund!So after 4 days I returned it in the original box with all the items inthe box, with paper work and cords all wrapped in the plastic. Just as Ireceived it, including the receipt.I explained to the lady at the return desk I did not like the way it couldnotfind store names. The lady at the refund desk said, there is a 15% restockfee, for items returned. I said no one told me that. I said how much wouldthat be. She said it goes by the price of the item. It will be $45.00Dollars for you. I said, all your going to do is walk over and place itback on the shelf then charge me $45.00 of my money for restocking? Shesaid that's the store policy. I said if more people were aware of it theywould not buy anything here! If I bought a $2000.00 computer or TV andreturned it I would be charged $300.00 dollars restock fee? She said yes,15%.I said OK, just give me my money minus the restock fee.She said, since the item is over 200.0 0 dollars, she can¢t give me mymoneyback!!!Corporate has to and they will mail you a check in 7 to ten days.!! I said"WHAT?!"It's my money!! I paid in cash! I want to buy a different brand..Now Ihave to wait 7 to 10 days. She said well, our policy is on the back ofyour receipt.I said, do you read the front or back of your receipt? She said well, thefront! I said so do I, I want to talk to the Manager!.So the manager comes over, I explained everything to him, and he said,well, sir they should of told you about the policy when you got the item.I said, No one, has ever told me about the check refund or restock fee,whenever I bought items from computers to TVs from Best Buy. The onlything they ever discussed was the worthless extended warranty program. Hesaid Well, I can give you corporate phone number.I called corporate. The guy said, well, I'm not supposed to do this but Ican give you a 45.00 dollar gift card and you can use it at Best Buy. Itold him if I bought something and returned it, you would charge me arestock fee on the item and then send me a check for the remaining 3dollars. You can keep your gift card, I'm never shopping in Best Buy everagain, and if I would of been smart, I would of charged the whole thingon my credit card! Then I would of canceled the transaction.I would of gotten all my money back including your stupid fees! He didn'tsay a word!I informed him that I was going to e-mail my friends and give them a headsup on this stores policy, as they don't tell you about all the littlecaveats.So please pass this on. It may save your friends from having a bad experience of shopping at Best Buy.

911 call

These are REAL 911 Calls!

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich . Dispatcher : Excuse me? Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher : Was anything else taken? Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!.

And the winner is.......... Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an ast hmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police.

Things you don't do after a meal

7 Don'ts after a meal

1) Don't smoke-Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

2) Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

3) Don't drink tea - Because tea leave s contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

4) Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted &blocked.

5) Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

6) Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

7) Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.