Sleep on the Job

When caught sleeping on the job ...
Raise your head slowly and say, '...in Jesus' name, Amen.'

NJ Cops

Two men were driving through New Jersey when they got pulled over by a NJ cop. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window and WHACK," the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick. "What the hell was that for?" the driver asked. "You're in New Jersey, son," the cop answered. "When we pull you over in New Jersey, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car." "I'm sorry, officer, " the driver said, "I'm from New York and didn't know your laws here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back. The cop then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK," the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick. "What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands. "Just making your wish come true," rep lied the cop. "Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked. "Because I know you New Yorkers," the cop says, "two miles down the road ; you're gonna turn to your buddy and say....." I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"

A Polish man

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland . Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'

The New first Family

With this kind of support there is nothing we can not do! Yes, we Can!!!

I know this man and he is going to give us a way to make a change!

I

We want to thank you for your support.

We did it!!!

Worship and Praise

Running for a change

Thanks for your support

the bird feeder.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it lovingly with seed. It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder. With in a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards ofthe patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ... everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. Aftera while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let's see ..... Our government gives out freefood, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free educationand allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for freeservices; small apartments arehousing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen bya doctor in an emergency room because it is filled with illegals; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding morerights and free liberties. Its just my opinion but: maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder. The

Eight Ways to Become a Better FatherPastor Gregory Dickow

Parenting is one of the most rewarding - and most challenging - jobs out there.
As an encouragement to fathers, I want to share with you the eight ways to become a better father.
Even if you're not a father yet ...or your kids have grown up and moved away ...or you're a single mom raising children without a father, there's something in this list for you.
But don't read these points and tuck them away for another day. Start acting on them right now - it's never too late to become a better father! Your children will thank you!
1. Get to know God as Father.
God is the ultimate Father ...loving, wise, encouraging, slow to anger. As a father, you are His representative here on earth, and if you get to know Him better, you can better parent your own children. So spend time in prayer. Spend time in the Word. Spend time building a relationship with your Heavenly Father. Understand that He loves you, comforts you, protects you, provides for you ALL THE TIME ...and you'll be better able to do the same for your own children.
2. Give your children a sense of belonging, acceptance, and identity.
Remember how much God the Father loved His Son. He loved Jesus from day one - before Jesus accomplished anything, before He laid hands on one person or preached one sermon.
So don't treat your children as an interruption. Don't make them feel that they're in the way. You're a parent and your job is to do the parenting!
Make sure your children feel that they hold a unique place in your special family. They belong there, and what matters to them should matter to you. So if they bring you a problem - a bully at school or a tough test ahead - talk to them. Listen to them. Maybe you faced the same predicament as a child and know that it's not a big deal. But to them right now, that problem is a big deal - maybe the biggest one they've faced so far in their lives.
3. Embrace your children.
One of the best ways to give your children that sense of belonging is to hug them - even when they wiggle out of your arms. Hugs are therapeutic and give children acceptance, love, and warmth. Studies even say that they reduce the risk of sickness and disease!
4. Love your wife.
A sense of security comes to a child who sees his father love his mother. They need that security!
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church." Christ loved the Church unconditionally, uncompromisingly, sacrificially, continuously. Love your wife like that, and your marriage will blossom ...and your children will blossom too.
5. Respect your child's thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
Please, guard your tongue. Don't let the words, "That's a dumb idea. That's stupid." come out of your mouth. If you had come up with that idea, maybe it would have been dumb. But since your child did, it's the best one you've ever heard!
6. Keep your promises.
Be careful of the promises you make. Love says, "I will never break my promise." So, again, you have to watch your tongue. Get it under control, and don't commit to something you can't make good on. When you say you'll do something, do it!
Keeping promises also builds trust. When your children have grown up and are no longer under your care, they'll be able to trust God because you paved the way. Your behavior can offer them a glimpse of their Heavenly Father!
7. Encourage your children.
The first part of Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, don't exasperate your children" (NIV). In other words, encourage them! You can do that through kind words - like, "You're so smart." "You're a thoughtful child." "I'm proud to be your father." You can also do that through your actions. So, smile at them! Give them more hugs!
Sometimes it's easy for us as parents to forget that our kids aren't little adults - they're children. They don't have all the skills grown-ups do. So, when your daughter knocks over the lamp in the living room, for example, show her understanding. Don't discourage her, and don't rebuke her for being uncoordinated or clumsy - her body just isn't done growing.
8. Teach them the Word.
The second part of Ephesians 6:4 says, "Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (NIV). So teach them the Word; encourage them to build their lives on it. And let them see you following the Word yourself. They'll thank you for this for the rest of your life.
A note for single mothers: If you're a mom raising your children on your own, you can do it. Many of the principles above can be applied to your situation. Sure, you need to make up for the lack that your kids are experiencing, for the father that's not fulfilling his obligations. But God is on your side. He's a "father to the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5). You're not doing it alone.
God bless all of you as parents!
Pastor Gregory M. Dickow is the founder and Senior Pastor of Life Changers International Church, one of the largest congregations in the Chicago land area, and the Host of Changing Your Life television program that reaches more than 500 million households weekly. Pastor Dickow is also founder of Gregory Dickow Ministries. For more information, go to http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001dmXoYSlerECxED5r6kLnlLLO8ET8gd_qcxPBZ0aPm2yeGgYgWeOLJK0xUAOCZW0ee_bsY6Dsbjxcw66BvRuejX2SDP5fv5Bu-jQOoAFmtjk5l-9QMQejbtrl9bruK14E.

Whispers

The man whispered, 'God, speak to me' and a meadowlark sang.

But, the man did not hear.

So the man yelled, 'God, speak to me' and the thunder rolled across the sky.





But, the man did not listen.






The man looked around and said, 'God let me see you.' And a star shined brightly.




But the man did not see.




And, the man shouted, 'God show me a miracle.' And, a life was born.

But, the man did not notice.




So, the man cried out in despair, 'Touch me God, and let me know you are here.'

Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed the butterfly away

and walked on.




I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted ... even in our electronic age.

So I would like to add one more:

The man cried, 'God, I need your help!' And an e-mail arrived reaching out with good news and encouragement.













But, the man deleted it and continued crying .





Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.

My instructions were to share this with people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you all. Won't you please pass this to people you want to be blessed.