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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Dear Employees:


It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workersDue to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go -getter.INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in t he project.INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9.
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my black a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYIN G: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,Human Resources

Monday, June 9, 2008

Clothes


You are in love with Tommy,Because his last name is Hilfiger,But behind closed doors, Tommy,Is calling you a nigger,But you could care less,Because you have been taught to dress to impress,If I ask you about your true history,You would have to look on the back of your jeans and Guess,You come up in the club wearing Versace,Clothes made by a homosexual male,So even when you say you are straight,It is very hard to tell,And for footwear, you wear Timberlands,Even under the sun,That same tree that's the symbol for them,Could have been the same one your ancestors were hung from,I cannot forget Nautica,When was the last memory you have of ships,Coming to North America in shackles,Being beaten over the back with whips,And to my beautiful black queens,Whose creative womb has become barren,I am confused because your face says Nefertiti,But your sweater reads Donna Karen,When was the last time you saw Liz Claiborne,Conversing with black women,But as soon as her name is printed on a purse,To Macy's you quickly go, running,Ralph Lauren doesn't even look at black men,Unless they are driving him around town,But as soon as that slave master appears on the back of a horse,You put whatever you have picked up down,My people reclaim your status in this world and in your life,F.U.B.U. in case you didn't know, stands for (For Us By Us),Buying black will someday suffice,Do you know who owns Timberland fashion?Well, Timberland is owned by the president of the KKK,Surprised? Don't be.Read more books black people,Always hope for the best and prepare for the worst,You may not get what you pay for,But you'll surely pay for what you get.

The road to success

Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success Pass it on to ten people whom you want to see blessed.

Just for people of color.





LOVE BLACK FOLK! -
THERE'S NOBODY LIKE EM'


With black folks, everything starts late! Everything ends late. Time is just a thang!

Black folks' philosophy about time is, "We may not be on time, but we are in time, and we don't want to miss anything."

Black folks arrive late for weddings, funerals, and Sunday church services! And then act like they are on time!

Black folks will go to social functions, particularly at church, and not stay for the program, but want to wrap up some food to take home as if the event is fast food "take out."

When some black preachers can't think of what else to say during a sermon, will say, "Look at your neighbor and say, 'God loves you!"

Every black family has a preacher...

When a lead choir member can't reach a high note or has forgotten the words, the choir members will get filled with "a holy ghost," get happy, shout and not have to finish the song.

A black gospel choir can sing a three word song for twenty minutes.

In the black church, the announcements are longer than the sermon.

Black folks cry and pass out at the funeral, but are fine and laughin' at the dinner following the interment.

The black church takes twenty minutes to take up an offering at an afternoon program and only raise $76.34! (don't forget they take an hour to count it again after church).

Black folks will ask grandparents to watch their kids while they run an errand but don't pick them up until two days later.

Black folks eat "fried" bologna.

Black folks refer to diabetes as, "Sugar."

Don't ask black folks for the precise time. They respond, "Almost a quarter after...." or a "little after two."

Black folks will eat ferociously at the family dinner, and then have the nerve to start wrappin' stuff up in foil to take home.

Black cashiers always seem to have an attitude.

Black folks sell CDs, potato chips, nabs and sodas out the trunk of their cars after church and at the football game.

Black folks have at least one person in the family who still wears a Jheri curl.

Black folks stay engaged for six years and never get married.

Black folks will have the telephone company shut off their house phone, but still have a cell phone on.

Black folks put hot sauce and ketchup on everything!

Black folks have at least one family member that "almost" made it to the pros.

Black folks will owe you and everybody else in the neighborhood money but can buy a new car.

Black folks re-use ZipLoc baggies, paper plates, plastic forks, spoons, and knives.

Black folks put thin left over bars of soap in jars or plastic containers, run scalding hot water over them to melt them down to use as dishwashing liquid or home made bubble bath.

Black folks won't throw anything away! The rationale is that you never know when you might need it!


IN SPITE OF ALL OF OUR PECULIAR WAYS, I STILL LOVE BLACK FOLKS! DON'T YOU?? lol

YOU'D BETTER CUZ YOU IS ONE!

Go on and smile...It is not that serious!

"Those who read are those who lead,
Those who don't, are totally deceived.
How will you grow, if you don't know?"
............... Words of Wisdom................... Peace depends on the existence of love.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

To Be 6 Again...


A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobble d home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??' Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!' The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Call Me

If one day you feel like crying…
Call me.
I don’t promise you that I will make you laugh...
But I can cry with you



If one day you want to run away, don’t be afraid to call me.
I don’t promise to ask you to stop, but I can run with you.






If one day you don’t want to listen to anybody; Call me and… I promise to be very quiet…




But… If one day you call and there is no answer…







Come fast to see me….

Perhaps I need you!!!

Friday, June 6, 2008

I'm A Flirt

Stars That Died

Today we lost

News flash