Always alone, but never lonely

The ideal of being alone is something that I have live with all my life! As an only child my title only included "me introductions". The hidden pain that I experience was so intense for me as a child at 4 years old being left in a car all day while my grandfather was working at the factory. I remembered crying for hours. That fear has followed me throughout my life, never realizing the connection from my childhood.

Our past has a lot to do with our future we create. I never realized why I was so obsessed with getting attention from women, one was never enough. Truth be told told they would never last, I always had a reason why they were never good enough. Don't get me wrong, some were good women, but they could never satisfy me. They only had three qualifications to meet. 1) Physcally attractive to me. 2) Could carry on meaningful conversation. 3) Satisfy my body.

Now believe it or not I could always find atleast 2 of the three qualties but never all three, so they could never live up to my expectations. Who am I fooling, my expectation were I did not want to be left alone, so I would never allow myself to care. Being alone didn't make me lonely, it was when I did not have any one to turn too, that made me feel lonely! I never knew about being insecure until I quit running. So many emotions to deal with is hard to say, the realization of my dysfunctional life has lead me down a long and winding road... You see so many doors that I want to open and I must share. Although I am so afraid of Pandora's Box!